World League of Football draft review: The Americas Division 2015
Greetings fellow WLOFers and welcome to our final review in our 2015 series of draft reviews for the World League of Football 2015 draft. Our final review is going to cover the 2015 WLOF Draft results for the Americas division. The Americas division is unchanged from last season, sporting a now 6 year run of consistent ownership. The other interesting fact is that this division may have gone from being the weakest division in the World League of Football to the strongest. At least the numbers are saying that. Here to help us find our way through those numbers is a trio who left their numbers, specifically number 16, 17, and 18, on the Ice of the Federal League hockey rinks throughout the 70’s. Of course, I am referring to the Hanson Brothers of the Charlestown Chiefs hockey team! It is an honor to bring you Jack Hanson, Steve Hanson, and Jeff Hanson (David Hanson, Steve Carlson, and Jeff Carlson), the infamous Hanson Brothers! For you pinheads who think I am talking about the Hanson brothers from the band “Hanson” of MMMBop fame, you are way off. Please do not compare Isaac, Taylor, and Zac with the Hanson Brothers. It will get you killed. Guys, the ice is yours:
Jeff: Hey everyone! What’s up? The Hanson Brothers are puttin’ on the foil and are ready to deliver a review of the Americas division for you! Steve: Yeah! Just what Jeff said. This division is sweet and we are excited to “get on the ice” and give you all you need to know about the Americas division. Jack: Let’s kick some ass guys! Start the review!
MMMMBop: These idiots grew up to become...
....these idiots. And they are currently touring. Seriously, how do they make a living?
The Hanson Brothers swing by the WLOF ice rink located on the 2nd sub floor of World League Headquarters. Sub Commish Micah takes some time to interview Steve, Jeff, and Jack.
Jeff: OK guys, I’ll take the first one. First team to look at is the San Francisco Mules. They were last year’s Americas division champion, and they look loaded! Whoa! Team owner Brock Eddleman has made some deep playoff runs, but never reached a World League of Football Superbowl. This team has a legit shot. Week 1 they broke out the leading point total for all teams. With Brady not suspended this team went for good to great real quick! This is the breakdown of his draft:
Round 1: RB DeMarco Murray +3.7
Round 2: TE Rob Gronkowski +61.9
Round 3: WR Brandin Cooks -24.3
Round 4: QB Tom Brady +21.2
Round 5: WR Brandon Marshall +6.4
Round 6: RB Chris Ivory +11.6
Round 7: WR Steve Smith +5.2 (+15.9)
Round 8: QB Andy Dalton (+22.2)
Round9: RB Danny Woodhead (-17.7)
Round 10: RB DeAngelo Williams (-55.1)
Round 11: TE Richard Rodgers (-15.1)
Round 12: Def CARDINALS +4.5
Round 13: K Dan Bailey -6.6
Round 14: WR Leonard Hankerson (-2.4)
Round 15: WR Cecil Shorts (-47.6) dropped, pick up WR James Jones (+1.6)
OK, you gotta like the even balance on this team. Running Backs are solid if Chris Ivory keeps producing like he did the first week. Getting Brady in round 4 means that Brock may have stolen a top 5 QB. His lifted suspension is huge. Tight End is even huger with Gronk in the fold. That is a huge advantage week in and week out. Only WR is even questionable, but is Cooks and Marshall and Steve Smith that questionable? It is not stellar, but it is not bad either. And what is up with the James Jones pickup? I thought he had died in Oakland! Even a decent kicker and Defense, although no backup defense is always like takin’ the ice without your glasses. At some point someone you can’t see is gonna take your head off. Check it out! A starter total score of +78.4, a +0.75 bench rating, and a -2 depth rating based on the lack of a backup defense and a weaker #2 Tight End. Of course only on the Gronk bye week does that really matter.
The strengths of the Mules are many. TE is as good as it gets. QB is also top 5. RB is solid with last year’s leading rusher in Murray and Ivory being a possible steal. Woodhead was also a value pick as an RB3. Hell, DeAngelo Williams had a great week 1!
The weakness on this team are like nitpicking. WR could be better, but when you load up with Gronk in round 2, you have to sacrifice somewhere. But this isn’t much sacrificing. No backup defense is an issue, but a small one.
Best Pick: Tom Brady (Round 4). Ivory, Woodhead, Gronkowski, even Cooks were all value picks that fell below their nominal draft value. This is how you build a Fantasy winner. But getting Brady and getting his suspension waived was a killer. This is the most key draft pick that sets up the rest.
Worst Pick: Cecil Shorts (Round 15). Again, it is nitpicking. I would have recommended a backup Defense here. But then Brock goes and drops his wasted 15th round pick and get James Jones who goes out and scored 2 TD’s in week 1. Davante Adams who?
Score: +76.78
Projected finish: 2nd Place America division (2nd Place? Who is better?) Playoff team Projected record: 9 - 4
Steve: My turn now! I am tasked with looking at the Springfield Blagojeviches. This team missed the playoffs again last year by one game. Team owner Micah Bandy has put together a solid squad, which in any other division would finish 1st or 2nd. But not in the Americas division. This division has no room for quitters and whiners, so these guys need to “sack up” and get their gonads together! Here is the way the draft went down for Springfield:
Round 1: QB Andrew Luck +59.6
Round 2: WR A .J. Green +3.7
Round 3: RB Frank Gore -52.9
Round 4: RB Ameer Abdullah -3.1 (+27.1)
Round 5: RB Joique Bell +19.6 (+48.9)
Round 6: WR Vincent Jackson +5.6
Round 7: WR John Brown (+5.2)
Round 8: WR Pierre Garcon (+3.8)
Round 9: QB Marcus Mariota (+15.8)
Round 10: Def PANTHERS +28.5
Round 11: TE Heath Miller -19.7
Round 12: TE Jared Cook (+16.5)
Round 13: Def BRONCOS (-22.5)
Round 14: K Brandon McManus +3.9
Round 15: RB Jay Ajayi (-84.3) dropped, pick up RB Fred Jackson (-17.4)
So, you gotta like how this went. The number 1 QB in Luck, reasonably solid RB’s in Gore and Abdullah/Bell (story may be much different if instead of worrying about handcuffing Abdullah they had taken Hyde in round 5), reasonable solid WR’s with Green (if he can catch a damn ball! Dropped a TD week 1) and Vincent Jackson/John Brown, a usable TE, a top Defense and a top Kicker. Pretty solid stuff with even a bit of depth with almost complete coverage at all positions and one of the better benches in the league. John Brown is a possible gem. Marcus Mariota is also a possible gem that may be pretty much wasted as Luck is going to start barring an injury. A usable backup TE and a usable backup RB and even a backup Defense! Crazy man! Starters scoring is +40.1, bench strength is +9.47, and the depth score is a -0.5 only dinging the 4th RB which is now Fred Jackson.
The strength of this team is the QB. Luck is the bell cow that must carry them. A.J. Green needs to revert to form as well. If Gore can be productive and Abdullah be the rookie everyone is saying he can be, this team is competitive. 3 solid wide outs helps out on bye weeks as well! Also, great bench and depth at all positions.
The weakness for this team is the Tight End. Heath Miller and Jared Cook are both low end starting Tight Ends. It gives depth to have 2, but neither is a world beater. RB 2 will be squirrely on bye weeks.
Best Pick: John Brown (Round 7). The Marcus Mariota pick would be much more important if this team punted QB. They didn’t. John Brown will see quite a few starts for this squad and may be better than Vincent Jackson when all is said and done. Great value in the 7th round.
Worst Pick: Joique Bell (Round 5). Man, why couldn’t Joique have just stayed injured? Things would have been so much clearer. Panic pick that cost Carlos Hyde (who was considered with Jarvis Landry!).
Score: +44.33
Projected Finish: 3rd place Americas division Playoff Bubble team Projected record: 7 - 6
Jack: Finally, I get to go. And I got the best one so eat it suckers! Ohhhh Kay! I got the Orinoco River Leeches who have Lindsay Crusen as their owner. She was the winner of last year’s Toilet bowl and got the first pick in the draft which she used on a cheese head. But top to bottom, this is the best starting lineup in the league! Let’s look at how the draft went for Orinoco:
Round 1: RB Eddie Lacy +39.7
Round 2: RB Lamar Miller +59.1
Round 3: QB Ben Roethlisberger +2.6
Round 4: WR Keenan Allen -41.7
Round 5: WR Jeremy Maclin +22.2
Round 6: TE Jordan Cameron -9.3
Round 7: RB Arian Foster +28.2 (+57.4)
Round 8: WR Markus Wheaton (-26.8)
Round 9: RB Knile Davis (-9.6)
Round 10: Def PACKERS +17.5
Round 11: K Adam Vinatieri +4.1
Round 12: QB Brian Hoyer -39.0
Round 13: WR DeVante Parker (-26.6)
Round 14: WR Jarrett Boykin (-94.7) dropped, picked up Donte Moncrief (92.3)
Round 15: TE Brent Celek (-12.7)
This is a devastating starting eight. The Rape master is your QB. The best running back tandem (with all due respect to Wellington) in Lacy and Miller. Having Arian Foster returning sooner rather than later pushes this group over the top. The receivers are a pedestrian Kennan Allen (with 15 catches and 166 yards week 1) and Jeremy Maclin who looks like everyone missed out on a potential #1 WR in round 5. Jordan Cameron looked good as well week 1 as the TE. Throw in the PACKERS defense and Adam Vinatieri and that is pretty damn impressive. The bench? Well, it sucks. Accept for Foster, there is just a series of turds making various odors sitting on the bench. And no backup defense. Again. Orinoco would have been otherworldly with better picks from rounds 8 through 15, but it did more than OK in the first 7 to make its mark. The Starting raw score is tops, coming in at +94.2. The Bench score is -5.25 and it is only that high because Arian Foster is counting as the RB3 when he would be RB1 for quite a few teams in this league. Depth is a -5 as backups a QB (Hoyer turd who may have lost starting job week 1), WR (Wheaton is maybe usable until Bryant comes back. Parker and Boykin are not usable), TE (Celek is bad for a backup TE), and no backup defense are about as weak as depth gets. No injuries and Orinoco is smooth sailing.
The strengths of the River Leeches are the starters. Especially at Running Back. As good as it gets. No blind spots anywhere.
The weakness for this squad is the bench. Take away Arian Foster and this team has no bench. You could give this squad 10 roster spots and have them keep Foster and Wheaton and there is no difference between that and the River Leech 15 man squad. So much feces everywhere.
Best Pick: Jeremy Maclin (Round 5). Simply impressive week 1, and, if healthy all year, a candidate for best value draft pick of the year. Keenan Allen also seems poised for greatness, and fell too far down in the draft.
Worst Pick: Knile Davis (Round 9). Davis as a RB4 is fine. Nothing against him, and if Charles goes down, a good get. But taken way too early. Bench issues stem from lack of depth. A good backup QB or backup TE were available here but this pick sunk those hopes.
Score: +86.58
Projected Finish: 1st place Americas division Projected to win WLOF Superbowl XVIII Projected record: 10 - 3
The Hanson Brothers suit up with WLOF Commissioner Jason "Psychic" Webber who was a minor league pro hockey player for 6 years with the Rockford Ice Hogs. Here they demonstrate puttin' on the foil and trying to intimidate their opponents. Unfortunately, the Hanson's don't realize that the "Psychic" Commish is not intimidateable.
Jeff: OK guys, let’s do the last one together! Our final team is also a team that, in any other division, would be a solid playoff team and division winning contender. But here, they are the team with the biggest holes. Jack: We are talking about the Kawishiwi Killers who are owned by resident Psychopath Dave Matheson. Steve: How do we know Dave is a Psychopath? Haven’t we been called Psychopaths for years? Seems harsh man. Jack: Fine, Dave is not a Psychopath. Let’s just look at his draft board:
Round 1: RB Le’Veon Bell +11.1
Round 2: TE Jimmy Graham +36.1
Round 3: QB Matt Ryan Even
Round 4: WR Mike Wallace -23.5
Round 5: WR DeSean Jackson +8.8
Round 6: RB LeGarrette Blount -17.1
Round 7: WR Kendall Wright (+6.4)
Round 8: RB Jonas Gray (-10.5) dropped, picked up RB Brandon Bolden (-75.2)
Round 9: QB Derek Carr (+5.4)
Round 10: WR Cody Latimer (-18.8)
Round 11: Def DOLPHINS +19.5
Round 12: TE Virgil Green (+6.3)
Round 13: RB Ronnie Hillman (-22.1)
Round 14: K Matt Bryant +0.8
Round 15: WR Mohamed Sanu (-36.4)
Jeff: A lot of the Killers issues stem from Le’Veon Bell having a 2 game suspension and Blount having a 1 game suspension, along with Desean Jackson and Derek Carr having an early season injuries. Steve: I like how he got the Blount Brothers, Le’Veon and LaGarrett back together man. That worked so well in Pittsburgh! Jack: If this team gets healthy, they have a shot as they do have some stacked talent, but gosh is there a lot of ifs where there shouldn’t be. Jeff: You said it Jack. WR could be a disaster if Jackson is injured for any length of time and Wallace and the Vikings continue to stink it up. Kendall Wright may be the only usable backup. Steve: Also, don’t forget, no backup defense! Jack: Yeah, you would think teams would figure that one out. Jeff: OK, the starter score is a robust +35.7, but it takes a hit from a bench strength of -1.0 and a depth score of -4. Who on the bench would you use? Wright, yes. Hillman, maybe a nice get late, especially if Anderson is gimpy. Virgil Green is usable for a bye week. Maybe. He did not register any catches week 1. That is it. No back up Defense, no good backup RB, no depth at receiver, and Carr as your backup QB needs to be healthy when the bye week for Matt Ryan rolls around. Lots of iffy stuff on the bench.
The strengths of the Killers is the starters, especially when Le’Veon Bell comes back. Ryan is the poster boy for average starting QB, but still is solid. Jimmy Graham is looking better than advertised and a big reason why the Killers took week 1 from the favored River Leeches, but will need to continue to produce all year to justify that 2 round draft slot. The Dolphins were a team we really liked and were even more of a reason for the week 1 Kawishiwi win.
The weaknesses here are a numerable. WR may devolve from functional to a mess if Jackson is out more than 4 weeks. Wallace and Wright won’t scare too many people. Bye week games could kill this team as they will struggle (given all the suspensions and injuries) to put their intended starting lineup on the field.
Best Pick: LaGarrett Blount (Round 6). No one like to take the first Patriot Running Back, but good value in round 6 when very few usable RB2’s were left. We will see if he gets his 10 to 15 touches a game when the suspension ends this week. This team in trouble if they don’t grab the Blount.
Worst Pick: Jonas Grey (Round 8). This is one where you understand the pick. The Killers needed a 3rd RB in round 8 and it was slim pickings. But they took someone who was then promptly cut. If they had not made a steal and grabbed Ronnie Hillman late this was a disaster. Also prevented a better Tight End or WR4 which would have been just as handy to have.
Score: +31.2
Projected Finish: 4th Place Americas division Playoff bubble Projected record: 7 – 6
Steve: So, that’s it everyone! We see the potential for all 4 of these teams making the playoffs ala the Third World division last year. Only instead of everyone having identical 8 and 5 records, Orinoco and San Francisco will waltz in and Springfield and Kawishiwi will crawl in. Jack: Yeah, and if they don’t put on the foil, they won’t be going anywhere. Jeff: You idiot! The foil only works in Hockey man! Jack: I use the foil all time, when I garden, when I hail a cab, even when I pee! It works for everything man! Steve: Yeah dude, Jack’s right on this one Jeff. Jeff: No way you boobs! Foil is Hockey only. Otherwise you weaken the force of the foil! Jack: Screw you man! Jeff: NO SCREW YOU! [throws punch, chaos ensues]
Guys? GUYS? [breaking chairs and table thrown out 15 story window] Oh my, we have an issue. I am going to grab security so quickly thank you to the Hanson brothers and I hope all of you enjoyed our Post draft review series. Good luck out there in the World League of Football! SECURITY?
Micah
Sub Commish
SLAP SHOT: Scene following pre warm up fight. If you have not seen the movie SLAP SHOT, you have really missed something. On par with Caddyshack or Stripes! See it now! (For a special treat, click Sonny James 'A little bit south of Saskatoon' while reading this review! You will feel like you are in the movie!)