World League of Football

Owner Lindsay Crusen

ORINOCO RIVER LEECHES - AMERICAS DIVISION

 

2010 - 2022       ORINOCO RIVER LEECHES-Lindsay Crusen

2009                    ORINOCO RIVER LEECHES-Bill Gibson

2008                CHILEAN 1-EYED TROUSER SNAKES-Bill Gibson

2007                  SAO PAULO HEROINE MULES-Chad Johnson

2004 - 2006         TEXAS BATTER-FRIED BUSHMEN-Ben Cahill

1998 - 2003           SAN FRANCISCO SQUID-Jeremy Webber

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The history of the Orinoco franchise is a proud one.  If you’re proud of teams changing their location often.  Not until Lindsay Crusen stepped in was a  much needed stability brought to the franchise.  This historic franchise was created by none other than the "Psychic" Commissioner's brother Jeremy Webber.  Webber brought the people of San Francisco what they always dreamed of.  A very mediocre team with an owner who did very little in way of effort to improve them.  After six glorious years of averageness, Jeremy sold the team and retired to pursue his love for cat juggling.  The franchise began a process of moving South, first to Texas with Ben Cahill, then to Sao Paulo based on a Chad Johnson drug deal gone wrong.  Then to Chile with Bill Gibson.  Gibson’s final act was to bring the franchise back North to Orinoco where it has resided ever since.  Bill departed after one season on the River, and the reigns fell to Crusen who had purchased the River Leeches  based on her prize money from being a world famous mud wrestler.  Here, the great coliseum know in Venezuela as Mud Esatdio Moza Lucha Libre was built on the rapids of the Orinoco at Raudales de Guaharibos.  Although Coumbia and Brazil both lay claim to the River Leeches, it is this location in Venezuela that is home.

 

Lindsay was part of the great migration of 2009 and 2010 that saw five owners leave in 2009, then 3 more owners (including 2 of the replacements for 2009) promptly leave in 2010.  The Americas Division was in complete turmoil as new owner Dave Matheson had come on in 2009 with only owner Micah Bandy left.  Brock Eddleman and Lindsay both came into the Division in 2010, and as of now, the division is unchanged.  This unnatural long term stability in the Americas Division has led to wonderful divisional rivalries and match ups.  Being the only South American franchise has led to much responsibility for Crusen as the River Leeches have a very passionate fan base.  Crusen has banned the use of the vuvuzela horns at Orinoco home games since the great drunken vuvuzela riots of 2011 (over 160 people were admitted to local hospitals with assorted horns stuck up their assorted butts).  Lindsay has also brought with her a tradition of philanthropy to the region with her famous, “Plant a tree, restore the Rainforest” campaign where small children would take donated trees and plant them in the tropical deforested flood plains.  Only a small number of children were lost due to Orinoco Crocodiles, Pumas, and Anacondas.  There is also her work with the Institute of Noetic Sciences or IONS, which, along with its many fundraising efforts,  teaches classes on meditation, how to participate in a global philanthropy, yoga classes for pregnant women, and teaching people how to understand the thoughts and behaviors of extraterrestrials.  There is also a class called “The Mystery School”.  What the Mystery School is is not readily available; otherwise it would not be a mystery.  You can check out this portion of Lindsay’s charity on http://www.noetic.org/.

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UPDATE 2016: The Vuvuzela riots are back on, only in a good way!  The entire Amazon river basin and their fans have been in a prolonged celebration of the first Superbowl Championship for the River Leeches!  Lindsay has brought home the goods, so to speak, and, following a World Cup in Brazil, the success of the Rio Olympic games, and not having Donald Trump as their president, this is the big capper on a great year in South America!  It is truly a great time to be a River Leech fan!