World League of Football

Owner Brock Eddleman has been a fixture in the Americas division since he bought a franchise in the World League of Football.  Brock purchased the South Memphis Dirty MULES (Now the San Francisco Ship of MULES since moving to the west coast) from transient owner Kyle Bumphrey who owned the Port Au Prince Carnage for one year after acquiring the franchise from the now infamous index card manufacturing magnate, Karl Reid, who had the franchise in Wisconsin under the team name The Little City Special People.  Brock came to the attention of the ownership of the WLOF when he put forth a dramatic mathematical proof that he claims proves that one times one equals two.  He presented his paper on the matter in the Journal of the American Mathematical Society, the Journal of the Royal Statistical Society, the Acta Mathematica, and the Publications Mathématiques.  Brock has claimed he uses his current obsession: handcrafted glass creations that, in tandem with proofs written out in a secret language called “Brocktology,” are meant to prove that one times one equals two. According to the nation’s leading (only) Brocktologist, Brock Eddleman, “This is the last century that our children will ever have been taught that one times one equals one…I have instead created the pieces that make up the motion of the universe.”

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“I figured it out,” Eddleman insists. “If Pythagoras was here to see it, he would lose his mind. Einstein, too! Tesla!  They would totally lose their shit!”

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In addition to dismantling universal mathematical principles (and writing backwards with his left hand), Brock has also had quite a head start on the mindfulness trend—in fact, he's been fully alert since “being in the womb,” an experience he says he remembers. “I have been aware since that moment...I’m on my own path, and I like the pebbles of my cobblestones.”

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When describing Brock, current World League of Football Commissioner, Jason “Psychic” Webber has stated, “When I first met [Brock] Eddleman, I was overwhelmed with a sense of majesty and purpose.  He had a glorious odor, his hair smelled as if a rainbow farted.  You have to feel it with your heart!”

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Brock is fond of saying, “Never take the vertebrae out of your back or the bass out of your throat.  Stay a man.  But being a man comes with a curse because it’s not a society made for men to flourish anymore.  Everything is androgynous, you know?  The more successful men now are the effeminate.  The people that judge you don’t matter.  They’re not real.  Everything is just frequencies.”

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