Owner Blake Eddelman

NAIROBI PRIDES - 3rd WORLD DIVISION

 

2014 - Present           NAIROBI PRIDES-Blake Eddleman

2013                    SOMALIA MOLLY POPS-Blake Eddleman

2012    PERUVIAN WONDER LLAMAS-James Treichsler & Sean G

2011                 DJIBOUTI WILD ASSES-Kyle Bumphrey

2008                          DJIBOUTI CALL-Tom Roberts

2007   BURUNDI HEAD SHRINKERS/DJIBOUTI CALL-Tom Roberts

2003 - 2006           MALTA LIQUOR BULLS-Greg Cahill

2002                  DAMASCUS KAANANITES-Mike Kane

 

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The World League of Football’s youngest owner, Blake Eddleman, is also its most laid back.  Going by the moniker, “The Dude”, Blake is the Prince Harry of the WLOF social world.  He had Africa abuzz by taking the second year Nairobi franchise to the playoffs for the first time since 2007.  This franchise is like the Saints in the NFL with a long history of mediocrity.  Now at the helm for a 3rd year, Owner Blake “The Dude” has vowed to bring his laid back approach to life to the masses.  Here are some articles from the Nairobi and American press regarding his exploits:

 

“The Dude” With Knit Hat At Party Calls Beer ‘Libations’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

KANTAOUI, TUNISIA—Sources attending a house party on Governor Street confirmed that “The Dude” arriving with a knit hat has been referring to the supply of beer as “libations” throughout the night. “The night is young, my friends—enough libations for everyone,” said “The Dude” whose sideburns poked out from beneath the wool cap and whose name may have been Jordan or Jay—or possibly Blake—before raising his red plastic cup to eye level, nodding his head slightly, and urging the assembled partygoers to “imbibe.” “We’ve got some fine spirits in the kitchen, too, if anyone’s interested.” “The Dude”, who also wore tight brown corduroy pants, then reportedly circulated among the partygoers, describing his recent “unreal” trip to Colorado

 

Drunken “Dude” Makes Interesting Point About Society

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A local drunken football owner made an interesting point about society late last night, incisively commenting on the Kenyan  government’s strangely misplaced priorities. Blake “The Dude” Eddleman, a 29-year-old Bear Biologist and World League of Football owner made the insightful, pointed remark at about 11:45 p.m. at the Havana Bar, where he had spent the night drinking himself into an inebriated stupor.

Shortly before wetting himself, Eddleman astutely opined on the confused priorities of the nation's political leaders. He has since been appointed to President Uhuru Kenyatta's top domestic advisor.

“It’s like the government, they got enough money to build bombs and guns, but they don’t got enough to feed people,” Eddleman sharply noted to several strangers as he downed a double shot of Wild Turkey whiskey. “They got it all totally backwards, man.”

He then added, “It’s crazy, man, you know?” before urinating on himself and staggering home.

Eddleman’s prescient political observation immediately impressed his fellow bar-goers.

“What ‘The Dude’ said was right on target,” said Stan Arap Moi, 35, who was also drunk. “He was talking about how we spend more money on the military and defense than we do on social programs. And his conclusion was right: That truly is misdirected spending.”

Wayne Kibaki, who was nursing a scotch and soda next to Eddleman at the time, agreed.

“I wish I could remember exactly how he put it, because it was so perfect,” he said. “He just cut right to the essence of the whole problem in this incredible way.”

Eddleman injured a family of six later that evening in a drunk driving accident.

When asked to elaborate on his opinion of Kenyan budgetary spending, Eddleman responded, “I was talkin’ to this one chick for like an hour last night and I was sure something was gonna happen,” he said. “But then after I threw up, she told me she was married and left.”

News of Eddleman’s politically charged words quickly reached Washington.

“Until now, I have been one of the leaders in the movement to cut welfare spending while maintaining military expenditure at its current level,” Speaker of the House John Boehner said. “But it is now clear that, as ‘The Dude’ puts it, ‘We’ve got it all totally backwards, man.’”

The New Republic magazine was also moved by Eddleman’s cutting-edge commentary, devoting most of its next issue to the views of the twice-arrested for public urination alcoholic freelance sperm donor and father of five.

“Solutions to major societal problems do not always come from within the Washington beltline,” editor Andrew Lerman said. “Often, they come from uninformed, white-collar foreign American expatriates who spout their ignorant, oversimplified solutions to complex, real-world problems to anyone who will listen.”

In addition to his appearance on the cover of The New Republic, Eddleman has been booked in numerous political round table discussions, including Crossfire and the McLaughlin Group.

President Obama has also expressed interest in consulting ‘The Dude’ on a number of critical domestic issues.

“Mr. Eddleman has a clear sense of what is good policy and what is just out of whack,” Obama said. “I will consult with him daily in the months to come.’”

This is not the first time Eddleman has boldly questioned the priorities of Kenyan society. Last August, after drinking a case of Old Milwaukee beer in the cab of his pick-up, he muttered to himself, “The cops, man, they just sit around all day, give jaywalking tickets and eat donuts.”

The remark led to sweeping changes in police department standards and procedures across Nairobi.

 

 

Whacked Out WLOF Owner Gets Drunk With Teenagers On Award-Winning Microbrew

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EAST BRUNSWICK, NJ—The subtle interplay of the three varietal hops in MacTadcaster's Nut Brown Stout went tragically unappreciated Saturday when Blake Eddleman and a group of high-school students got shitfaced on a case of the award-winning microbrew.

A case of MacTadcaster's Nut Brown Stout, a three-time winner at the Great American Beer Festival, was wasted on these local privileged teens and WLOF owner Blake Eddleman.

According to reports, Blake “The Dude” Eddleman, World League of Football owner of the Nairobi Prides and questionable influence, Andrew Gobbola and Tracey Sheehan, 17-year-old seniors at East Brunswick High, obtained the beer from Gobbola's refrigerator while his parents—bona-fide beer-lovers capable of fully relishing the subtle, hand-crafted taste of a MacTadcaster's—were away for the weekend.

Though none of the teens were able to comment on the Nut Brown Stout's chocolatey aroma or its surprisingly smoky almond finish, Eddleman did say that it had "fucked him up majorly" and that he was "seriously payin' the price."

Added Gobbola: "Dude, I was ripped to the tits."

Despite consuming enormous quantities of the beer, the teens failed to detect the all-wheat malt that MacTadcaster's has developed over the years to give its beer "bottom." Further, none of them commented on the beer's uniquely dry, smoky hopping or the pleasant coffee highlights so often discussed among MacTadcaster's Nut Brown Stout cognoscenti.

Only the rich, robust texture of the beer drew any comment from the teens, with Sheehan overheard telling Eddleman, "That beer is some thick shit."

MacTadcaster's Nut Brown Stout has won the Gold Medal for Best Small Batch Stout for three consecutive years at the Great American Beer Festival. John Winbourne, Chief Brewmaster at MacTadcaster's, said he was "shocked and disappointed" that the high-quality beer had wound up in the hands of unsophisticated, high school-age drinkers and WLOF party going owners.

"Nobody the age of 17 can reasonably be expected to have the connoisseurship to detect even a fraction of the subtle complexities of our carefully aged stout, and no WLOF owner worth his weight in gold [sic. with the possible exception of Jason Webber] has even the slightest sliver of hope to appreciate the finer qualities of an award winner masterpiece." Winbourne said. "If they had guzzled our Honey Hefeweizen, a much simpler beer known for its plain, rumpled friendliness, the horror may have been muted somewhat."

"It's a tragedy, a real tragedy," said Steve Brauner, editor of Beer Aficionado magazine. "We're not talking about Bud Ice or Coors Light, or some mass-produced swill of a lager intended for crass high-school kids to get a cheap buzz off of. This is a complex, mature stout, whose creamy head alone is enough to overwhelm even the most experienced beer drinker."

"I can only hope those kids didn't drink it chilled," Brauner added. "Stouts are best enjoyed at room temperature."

According to sources within East Brunswick High School, the trio has previously been seen at night near the school's football field, drinking inexpensive domestic beers. "While such experimentation with alcohol is strongly discouraged," school principal Eileen Fleischer said, "at least these previous incidents only involved the WLOF owner and the  two students getting wasted, as opposed to this senseless wasting of hand-crafted, award-winning beer."

Helmut Schildkraut is the experienced Bavarian farmer who harvested the hops in the MacTadcaster's twelve-pack at the peak of their mellow ripeness, then aged them in a oaken sherry cask for three months to maximally enhance their dignified flavor. Contacted at his home in the tiny German village of Gütbourg, he said: "Zis makes me very sad. Nein, der MacTadcaster's ist not fur der kinder. Ist fur der discriminating bier drinker only."

 

WLOF Owner and Partygoer Gets Thoughtful

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DJIBOUTI, DJIBOUTI—At approximately 11:20 P.M. Friday night, the festive attitude of local partygoer Blake “The Dude” Eddleman, 29, suddenly gave way to a more thoughtful and introspective mood, witnesses reported. "One moment The Dude was pouring everyone shots of Wild Turkey, and the next he got real serious and started talking about famine," said longtime friend Michael Driscol, who also listened as Eddleman discussed his "shitty-ass team," the fact that it was 2015 already, and how one day he thinks he'll be a good owner. "I guess he had a lot on his mind, because he was having these really reflective conversations with different people for like an hour." At press time, Eddleman insiders confirmed the cheerful-turned-sentimental man had once again shifted moods and begun smashing beer bottles with a two-by-four.

 

Cocktail Party Gets As Wild As It's Going To Get

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PROVIDENCE, RI— A cocktail party at the home of art curator Martin Conroy was already as wild as it was going to get by 8 p.m. Monday. "Oh, my goodness, look at Blake," said Marisa Pulsipher, spotting fellow partygoer Blake Eddleman doing his impersonation of Boston Symphony conductor Seiji Ozawa. "He is just irrepressible." The party almost got wilder when Conroy pondered breaking out a bottle of Loch Morar 30-year-old single-malt scotch, but he ultimately decided not to.

 

And finally, this recent article from Nairobi….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NAIROBI, KENYA—Eyeing his contribution to the gathering’s potluck offerings with concern, local man Blake “The Dude” Eddleman reportedly spent the duration of his coworker’s party Saturday anxiously watching his homemade banana bread go uneaten.

According to reports, Eddleman periodically checked up on the loaf of banana bread he brought to colleague Jessica Dowling’s party throughout the evening, repeatedly finding excuses to walk by the table of dessert and snack items and keeping the confection in his line of sight while socializing.

“God, it’s been over an hour—someone should have taken a piece by now,” said the man who set the banana bread on a plate some 75 minutes earlier, making sure to remove its plastic wrap covering in an effort to make the baked good as accessible and visually appealing as possible. “There must be 25 people here. What’s taking so long?”

“It’s sitting right there,” Blake continued. “Come on.”

Eddleman, who spent much of the party lingering in the kitchen near the varied assortment of treats, is said to have anxiously looked on when anyone approached the table, his mood swinging from a sense of hopeful optimism to disappointment and anxiety when guests ignored his banana bread and left with another food item. Though Eddleman considered taking a piece for himself in order to “get the ball rolling,” he told reporters that he ultimately decided the move would reek of desperation.

After dozens of minutes of mounting aggravation, the 29-year-old reportedly surmised that his fellow guests’ indifference to his contribution to the party most likely stemmed from the fact that he had neglected to set out a knife, explaining to reporters that he was confident that, after he placed the utensil alongside the treat, guests would eagerly try the banana bread. However, half an hour later, a flustered Eddleman confirmed that the knife still had not been used to slice the bread.

Eddleman reportedly made a conscious effort halfway through the party to put the banana bread out of his mind and not let it affect him, though he eventually proved unable to resist glancing over at his homemade dessert while chatting with several guests, and only grew more exasperated upon noticing that the bread remained wholly intact.

“Of course everybody just loves that damn carrot cake with the cream cheese frosting,” said Blake, who nearly two hours after arriving, reportedly began second-guessing his recipe and his decision to make banana bread in the first place. “It probably looks bland compared to those lemon bars over there. God, I could have made oatmeal raisin cookies, but I just had to go with banana bread, didn’t I?”

“I knew I should have added chocolate chips,” Eddleman added. “Dammit.”

Growing increasingly agitated as the party wore on, Eddleman reportedly made an excuse at one point to visit the bathroom, stopping quickly along the way to relocate his banana bread to a more prominent position in the center of the table while pushing a popular tray of fudge brownies toward the back. Fifteen minutes later, however, Eddleman was said to be fuming again after checking up on the still-undisturbed banana bread and finding that someone had finished off the chocolate Bundt cake.

“Why would anybody choose mini muffins that were obviously bought from a grocery store over a slice of freshly baked banana bread?” said Eddleman, sighing in apparent disgust. “Next time, I guess I’ll just bring some damn onion dip. Is that what they want?”

“[The party’s host] Jessica made a big deal about how tasty my banana bread looked when I first got here, but she still hasn’t taken a slice, even though I’ve seen her polish off three apple tartlets,” Eddleman added. “Fucking liar.”