IF YOUR IN KYRGYZSTAN OR KAZAKHSTAN, THIS IS KOKPAR, KUPKARI, OR ULAK TARTYSH. IF YOU ARE IN TURKEY, IT IS KNOWN AS Kökbörü or Gökbörü. ILLINOIS GOES WITH THE AFGHANISTAN NAME, BUZKASHI : Gibson, seen here carrying the goat to the scoring circle despite opposition, uses his blockers and his horse to shield defenders from Batavia High School on his way to the "Circle of Justice" as the crowd cheers. Gibson led the state of Illinois in scoring his Senior season with 27 successful carcass tosses.
BUZKASHI THE CO-ED CLUB SPORT: Unlike the middle eastern version, Illinois Buzkashi is open to both males and females. Introduced to the U.S. in the 1940's by a royal decedent of the Afghan Royal Family of King Amanullah and King Zahir Shah in Cleveland of all places, American adaptations of the incude a time limit set in 3 periods called "chukkers" like polo, and set as a co-ed sport, most of the rules (or lack therof) are brought over. Everything is legal other than whipping another rider's horse or rider's head above the neck, or blantently pushing a rider from his/her horse. Gibson is seen here deploying his whip to assist his fellow teammate, Gil Thorton, in removing the Goat Carcass from the Chapandaz rider from Greenfield High.
MELLONVILLE BACKYARD HOTTUB DEER HUNTING: This is one event that most Chicago schools don't participate in. Mellonville has lots of countryside making this a natural sport for the School. Here Bill takes out his second deer, a 7 point buck, with a easy kill at 400 yards. This proved the winning shot in the meet with Kewanee High School. While alcohol is frowned upon by the IHSA, it is considered an essential part of deer hunting and therefore allowed under IHSA Backyard Hottub Deer Hunting events.
BADMINTON BADDASS: Gibson dives for a point in the match against Prophetstown Junior Drayton Hemmingsworth. Gibson won the match 21 - 12, 21 -16, and 28 -26 . Gibson was a four year Letterman and finished 5th in state Junior year.
MELLONVILLE FOOTBALL: Bill Gibson was a three year starter on the Mellonville Varsity Football team (his Freshman year was Junior Varsity). He broke through above his Sophmore season as the kicker, and expanded his role Junior year (Right) as a Wide Receiver. Senior year, Gibson was all-state as he became a three way player as the starting Outside Linebacker as well as the top receiver in the conference with 14 TD's and 1,435 yards as well as handling place kicking and punting duties. He was known as Mr. Every Down at Mellonville. Mellonville was eliminated in the Super Sectionals Gibson's Senior season by Oswego High School.
THAT GUY ON CAMPUS: Gibson became a bit of star in Mellonville when posters were created by the pep club showing him with his Senior season hair growth. Bill grew out his locks for good luck and did not shave them until Mellonville was eliminated from the playoffs. The poster (Left) was taken as he came off the field after a sack and had removed his helmet.
KADENA
WLOF
SUPERBOWL
VII
2004
The Kadena Typhoons deafeats
The Vatican City Smokin' Popes
THE KADENA TYPHOONS
2017 World League of Football Runner up
Loser of WLOF Superbowl XX
Owner Bill Gibson
KADENA TYPHOONS - PACIFIC RIM DIVISION
2011 - Present KADENA TYPHOONS-Bill Gibson
2008 KADENA TYPHOONS-Dave Glinski
2007 MANILLA FLAMING DRIPPIES-Jason Sheppler
1998 - 2006 KADENA TYPHOONS-Dave Glinski
William Gibson has always been an extraordinary athlete and a man’s man. Born in a pumpkin patch in Melonville, Illinois, Bill has taken to athletic competition from day 1. As a youngster, he lettered in many varsity sports at M.H.S., including Baseball, Basketball, Football, Soccer, Track (Shot Put, Javelin, 10,000 meter Steeple Chase, and the Triple Jump), Wrestling, Irish Hurling, Tennis, Golf, Mini Golf, Lacrosse, Synchronized Swimming, Rowing, Chess Club, Bo-taoshi (Japanese Pole Pulldown), Extreme Ironing, Polo Club, Roller Derby, Swimming (100 meter Butterfly, 200 meter Breast Stroke, and the 4 X 100 Freestyle medley), Bog Snorkeling, Buzkashi (Led the Mid-Eastern Illinois Conference in Goat Carcass Goals from the 10 Meter line and in), Cardboard Tube Dueling, Trampoline Team, Backyard Hotub Deer Hunting, Women’s Volleyball, Lown Mower Dueling, Streaking, Rollerderby, Pesapallo (Finnish Baseball), Ferret Legging, Diving (10 meter board), Hockey, Toe Wrestling, UFA Extreme Octagon, Mountain Unicycling, Quidditch, Table Tennis, Taekwondo (185lb. division), Fencing, Artistic Gymnastics, Downhill Bedpan Butt-Lugeing, Bobsled (4-man), BMX Cycling, Badminton, and Greco-Roman Dick Wrestling. We would explain the rules of Greco-Roman Dick Wrestling, but they are kind of hard to grasp. Interestingly, Gibson is more known for his refusal to participate on the M.H.S. Luge team when 2nd seat luger Raymond Spuwter wiped out in the conference qualifier and broke both ankles in addition to having his spleen removed.
Post High School, Gibson competed briefly in the International Sponge Diving Associating (ISDA) where he fell in love with the Tropical climates in the Pacific. Gibson suffered a setback when he was dismissed from Sponge Diving competition for giving out too many “Pearl Necklaces” if you know what we mean. If you don’t, don’t worry about it. Bill turned lemons into lemonade by relocating to an island in the Borneo region where he used his athletic gifts to conquer the local inhabitants and subject them to serfdom on his Papaya plantation. Making millions on the low overhead from his papayas, Gibson successfully purchased a WLOF franchise in disarray in Brazil and moved it to Chile where they were known as the Chilean 1-eyed Trouser Snakes. Not finding the Cool Chilean air to his liking, Bill moved the team to a warmer climate on the Orinoco River in Venezuela. Bored with Venezuela and tired from the harassment he received from President Hugo Rafael Chavez, Gibson sold the franchise to Lindsay Crusen. After a couple of successful years on the Fuzion Minor League Golf Tour Bill gave up professional golf as he never could earn his PGA card. So he gave up one dream to live another and bought out Dave Glinsky’s shares in the Kadena Typhoons, returning him to the Pacific Rim region that he loved so much. Though it has been banana daiquiris and tequila sunrises for the last 7 years, Bill has begun to put pressure on himself to break through and win a World League of Football Superbowl of his own to go with the one Glinsky won with Kadena in 2004 (WLOF Superbowl VII). Success has come slowly, but now on the heels of a Superbowl XVII appearance and two straight Pacific Rim division championships, will this be the year of the Gibson? Stay tuned!
BO-TAOSHI (Japanese: 棒倒し, pole bring-down) or properly translated; "Super happy pole bringdown": Dispite the high number of injuries and large sizes required to form a team (50 man teams), Melonville hearalded two IHSA state titles in Bo-taoshi behind a stacked line including Gibson. Gibson played both on offense and defense, being a top notch pole attacker and springboard scrum lineman, while also being invaluable as a Scrum disabler (seen above) and a pole supporter and Ninja.
THE KADENA TYPHOONS
2015 World League of Football Runner up
Loser of WLOF Superbowl XVIII
THE KADENA TYPHOONS
2011 World League of Football Runner up
Loser of WLOF Superbowl XIV
KADENA TYPHOONS
2015 Pacific Rim Division Champion
MELLONVILLE HIGH SCHOOL RAIDER QUIDDITCH: It's not just for Wizards anymore! Gibson puts up 10 points for the Raiders! Pretty much same rules as the Harry Potter books but the snitch is a remote controlled helicopter and the brooms don't fly.
Illinois State Toe Wrestling semi - final. Bill is defeated by Calvin Wockenfuss with a Toe pin in the 48th minute. Bill went 58 - 7 in his four year Toe Wrestling career at Mellonville.
Mellonville High Schools Tube Dueling Team is more of a club sport. Here Bill defeats Warrensburg High Senior Jonas Berkamp with a 15 - 11 decision. This was in the second spar and Bill successfully completed a Gardvarian slice maneuver.
MELONVILLE HIGH SCHOOL RAIDERS PESAPALLO TEAM: The sport of Pesapallo, better known as Finnish Baseball, only has 12 club teams in Illinois. The 1984 team led by Gibson who was a defensive specialist and the teams Joukkueen jäsen.
KADENA TYPHOONS
2016 Pacific Rim Division Champion
KADENA TYPHOONS
2017 Pacific Rim Division Champion
GIBSON STATE CHAMPION EXTREME IRONIST: Bill won the state title for 3 straight years setting the state record for staying upright while ironing 4 pleated pants, 2 silk bouses and a broquayed dickey in under 2:38.53.
SENIOR YEAR EXTREME IRONIST: Bill's 3rd straight year as Illinois State Extreme Ironing champion. Here he traveled to Piscataquis Maine to find the right extreme ironing environment. This trek got him to the state finals which he won waterskiing in Shelbyville Lake, and got him to the emergency room for treatment for hypothermia and frostbite on certain extremities.
JUNIOR YEAR EXTREME IRONIST: Bill takes his 2nd state title underwater at New Smyrna Beach Florida, just a few miles from Daytona Beach.
SOPHOMORE YEAR EXTREME IRONIST: Bill won his 1st state championship with a Rocky Mountain high, on Quandary Peak in Colorado.
KADENA TYPHOONS
2018 WLOF Toilet Bowl Champion
5th IN STATE FRESHMAN YEAR EXTREME IRONIST: His first effort into the extreme ironing world, Bill finished a respectable 5th place behind Illinois state champion Paul Likkenberry with his Chicago traffic ironing set. Bill would move on to far more extreme sets leading to his 3 State Championships.
UFC EXTREME OCTAGON SEMI-FINALS: Bill Gibson lands a left against Bollingbrook Senior Gabe Ruediger, who would later go on to fight professionally. Gibson would win on a fourth round roundhouse kick leading to a TKO. Bill was defeated in the final by Tony "The Body-Odor" Colburn from Libertyville on a judges decision.
FERRET LEGGING CONFERENCE MEET : Gibson lettered his Senior year in Ferret Legging as the number 3 legger on Mellonville's squad. Here Bill is stuffing his 4th ferret hoping his NuttyBuddy black compression short and cup combo, $39.99 with free shipping from Ithaca Sports, will keep his testicles scratch and bite free this time. He took 4th place behind Mellonville 1st legger Dean Beamon, and Conference Champ Creighton "Iron Dong" Leftkowski from Sterling Newman Central Catholic who legged 15 ferrets.
TEAM TRAMPOLINE STATE FINALS AT PEORIA CIVIC CENTER: Bradley University's Civic Center hosted the State Finals for Team Trampoline which Mellonville's team of Bill Gibson and transfer student Dong Dong won 2nd place in state. (Above) Bill and Dong in the Team finals. Dong Dong would go on to win the Individual state title for Mellonville with Gibson finishing 7th. (Left) Dong Dong at the medal ceremony wins the Men's trampoline competition representing China in the London Olympics some years later.
BILL GIBSON WINS TWO STATE TITLES IN MINI_GOLF: Bill won the state Mini-Golf title twice, once as a Senior, and once as a Sophomore, and led Mellonville to a State team title as captain his Senior season. Here Bill is pictured with Cahokia Jr. Marvin Studabaker on the 14th hole at the Mellonville Public Putt-Putt and Driving Range emporium.
ROUGH TIME AT ROLLER DERBY: Bill, attempting a pass as the Mellonville jammer, takes a hit from Elgin Einstein Academy blocker Dorn "The Mountain" Murdock during the third Jam. Mellonville lost 36 - 27.
LIFE SAVER: Apparently no one noticed Mellonville Mini Golf coach Tam O'Smalley choking on a golf ball until quick thinking by captain Bill Gibson dislodged the obstruction with some hand smacks to the back. Notice the Mellonville crowd oblivious to the near death experience. O'Samlley would go on to take three future Mellonville Mini-Golf teams to the State finals but his only State Championship would be with Gibson as his captain. O'Smalley's career was tragically cut short in 2012 when he was killed accidentally by electrocution as a pair of home made nipple clamps attached to a power strip shorted out.
LAWN MOWER DUELING: While technically not an IHSA sport, Mellonville still offered letters in the up and coming sport of Lawn Mower Dueling. Gibson had a perfect season going 12 - 0 in his lawn mower duels. The sport has recently come under fire for the lack of protective equipment and the increasing frequency of High Schoolers suffering severed limbs. Here Bill slays Vandalia High School So. Scatt Schwarber in the third round joust.
STEEPLE CHASE EXCITEMENT: Bill Gbison in the lead in the conference Steeplechase finals. A young man's sport, Bill would see his State Title come in his Freshman year. He would finish 4th, 18th, then 9th in his next three sojourns to the State meet, never reaching the ambrosia of victory again.
BOG SNORKELING CHAMPION: Gibson was a dominant force in IHSA Bog Snorkeling. Going undefeated in his 4 years, Gibson set the state record on the 60 yard course with a snorkel of 1:28 on his way to 4 IHSA Bog Snorkeling state titles.
SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING ADO: Gibson, seen here with partner Janet Jansen, competed and lettered his Junior year in the regional synchronized swimming meet. Alas, a court ruling prevented them from moving on further as Jansen was disqualified for use of a Nootropic or cognitive enhancer called dimethylamylamine. Also, it was discovered Gibson was not a female.
ON THE TRACK WITH THE DOWNHILL BEDPAN BUTT_LUGEING TEAM: The relatively obscure sport of downhill bedpan butt-lugeing provides Bill with a thrill seeking outlet as well as 3 varsity letters. Mellonville Butt Lugeing never made it out of the IHSA conference races with a high-water mark of 4th place, but Bill was the top Butt Luger. Here he is seen winning his heat with a mortified Donald Plesence of Waltonville High School.
IHSA IRISH HURLING: Mellonville High School vs. Chillicothe Illinois Valley Central. Gibson, the teams leading half-forward, scores a goal by striking the the sliotar with his hurley past Chillicothe keeper Lars Snipe in the 28th minute of the first half. Mellonville would go on to win 7-13 to 5-10.
ILLINOIS HIGH SCHOOL STREAKING, CATCH IT!: Gibson showing off the form that made him a 2 - Time State IHSA champion in Streaking. Given a two week time-frame to go world wide and streak events, the IHSA scores streaking with categories such as magnitude of the event (measured in crowd size), amount of time streaking before being tackled/corralled/arrested, creativity of outfit, and publicity. Here Gibson shows off his winning "style" at the Royal St. George's Golf Club in Sandwich, England. Gibson gave the Bobbies quite a workout managing to go untackled for 7:23 minutes.
MELLONVILLE HIGH TABLE TENNIS: Bill's Table Tennis career at Mellonville, while fulfilling, never garnered Mellonville a state championship, although he did make a brief appearance his Junior year at the State Quarterfinals. (Upper Left) Gibson shown in his Senior year in a match with Franklin Park-Northlake Leyden High Junior Jimmy Gillespie. Bill won 15 - 12, 15 -11, 8 - 15, 15 -13. (Above) Bill's one state appearance Junior year, he faces off with the 3rd ranked Illinois Table Tennis player from Rock Island H.S. Timmy "The Saliva" Santiago, named for his habit of licking his serves. Bill fell in straight games to "The Saliva". (Left) Bill shows off his smash form as he puts away a volley.
SOCCER, NOT YET THE GREAT AMERICAN SPORT: Of all the sports Bill lettered in at Melonville, the one that may have been the least competitive for Mellonville High School is the Soccer team. Gibson lettered all four years, but that is not saying much. The Mellonville record was 2 - 16, 4 -15, 0 -17, and finally 5 - 13 for Bill's four years. Here in a match against Yorkville Parkview Christian Academy, Bill is part of a very reluctant wall on a free kick. Mellonville lost 7 nil.
MELLONVILLE CHESS TEAM: Gibson played second chair for his final two years lettering twice for Chess. Seen here in a game against Gabriel Srefindensi of Oswego East H.S., Gibson wins by Srefindensi having to resign on time. Bill had initiated a Blackburne Shilling Gambit and had traded queens. Srefindensi was attempting to counter using a Sicilian Defense, but was taking 25 minutes a turn on a 2 hour game and ran out of time. Bill is seen here being congratulated by tournament director Daniel M. Seems.
MELLONVILLE MOUNTAIN BIKE UNI-CYCLING: Gibson is on the downhill side of Mount Timpanogos near the outskirts of Provo during the second day of the Moab Utah Muni Fest. This event was discontinued in 2009.
BUZKASHI MADNESS: Buzkashi is not a sanctioned IHSA sport. Irregardless, over 28 Illinois High Schools participated in the club sport. Mellonville Buzkashi dominated the Illinois club circuit and went to two national championship tournaments winning once with Gibson as the lead Chapandaz for Mellonville. Buzkashi, (translated as "Goat Pulling" in Persian) is a sport that requires the riders to toss a goat or calf carcass into a scoring circle referred to as the "Circle of Justice" . There are two main forms of the game, the Tudabarai (which is just breaking away into the clear with the goat to score) , and the Qarajai form which requires the scoring circle. Illinois Buzkashi uses this latter form of the game. Here Bill can be seen reaching out to pick up the goat carcass (Illinois uses a goat carcass as opposed to a calf carcass despite the fact a calf carcass is less likely to disintegrate during a game. The goat is beheaded and disemboweled and has 2 limbs cut off. It is then soaked in cold water for 24 hours before play to toughen it. 10 pounds of sand are also added for weight. Over 190 goats are slaughtered per season.)
BOG SNORKELING CHAMPION: Gibson was a dominant force in IHSA Bog Snorkeling. Going undefeated in his 4 years, Gibson set the state record on the 60 yard course with a snorkel of 1:28 on his way to 4 IHSA Bog Snorkeling state titles.