World League of Football draft review: The Pacific Rim Division 2015
Greetings fellow WLOFers and welcome to our 2015 series of draft reviews for the World League of Football 2015 draft. Our next review is going to cover the 2015 WLOF Draft results for the Pacific Rim division. The Pacific Rim division returns the same four owners as last season, with only one minor change. The Pyongyang franchise reverted back to Jason Webber and he took the Isotope name with him to Chernobyl in a Al Davis Raiders type of move. Pyongyang was then given the franchise owned previously by Brent Washburn and true ownership of this franchise passed to previous interim owner Amy Bandy. She promptly renamed it the Pyongyang Ball Deflators and everyone rejoiced in the DPRK. Given that the World League of Football kept the only major pro sports franchise in North Korea, the supreme leader, Kim Jong-Un, like his father Kim Jong Il before him, has requested to do this year’s Pacific Rim review. Ever since the Soviet Union set up the North Korean government as the Provisional People’s Committee for North Korea, the leader, it has been a family affair. Kim Il-Sung was the first leader of this government. From 1948 to 1972 he was the Chairman of the Standing Committee of the Supreme People’s Assembly. In 1972 he declared himself President of North Korea and held that office until his death in 1994. He was then proclaimed the “Eternal President of the Republic” and is still considered the leader of the DPRK. His son, Kim Jong-Il took over leadership in 1994 with the title Chairman of the National Defense Commission and General Secretary of the Party until his own death in 2011. Upon his death he was named “Eternal General Secretary”. So technically he is still 2nd in command of the DPRK. He was succeeded by his own son, Kim Jong-un, who holds the title “Supreme Leader” and Chairman of the Supreme People’s Assembly to this day. By satellite, we have Kim Jong-un and his view of the 2015 World League of Football Draft review for the Pacific Rim division. Supreme leader, the floor is yours:
Kim Il-Sung and his son Kim Jong-Il pose together for a photograph
You Capitalist swine! Of course floor is mine! I am supreme leader, all mine! You sicken me! I am Supreme leader and your assassination plots against me are fail! Pigs! Only ting you American pig have is basketball and Dennis Rodman. Rest is poop. Pig poop. I now begin review of Third World division of World League of Football 2015 draft. Listen up Pigs! This is supreme knowledge!
First team, Pyongyang Ball Deflator. GREAT TEAM! They win many! Team owned by Amy Bandy. She owned by ME! Team do good or die. They win Pacific Rim division and have best record in Pacific Rim Capitalist Pig league. They do again!They make many pick. Here are pick:
Round 1: WR Antonio Brown +48.3
Round 2: QB Drew Brees +10.4
Round 3: RB Alfred Morris -47.5
Round 4: WR Julian Edelman +27.8
Round 5: RB Devonta Freeman +15.7
Round 6: TE Julius Thomas +5.3
Round 7: RB Shane Vereen (+1.3)
Round 8: QB Nick Foles (+5.8)
Round 9: WR Brian Quick (-14.0)
Round 10: Def RAVENS +1.5
Round 11: Def BENGALS -5.5
Round 12: K Justin Tucker +11.7
Round 13: TE Ladarius Green (-4.5)
Round 14: WR Jerricho Cotchery (-9.6)
Round 15: WR Corey Brown (-27.0)
Many glorious pick! Much happiness in the streets because I say so. Many good wins to watch at Pyongyang in Kim Jong-un Stadium. She have 73.2 raw score, -4.42 on her bench, but deep bench. Only miss 4 Running Back. Depth get -0.5. Now Capitalist pig Micah rate team for moment…
The strength of this team will be foremost its corps of Wide Receivers. Pairing the Top receiver with one of the top #2 WR in Edelman is lethal. Good balance on starting lineup and 2 solid defenses.
The weakness on this team is the Tight End. If Julius Thomas is injured for an extended length of time, ouch. RB is average at best not bad, just average.
Micah Pig Fool! This team awersome! Win Win Win!
Best Pick: Julian Edelman (Round 4). Nothing like going into every week with the best WR corps. Lot of value with Edelman at this spot.
Worst Pick: Julius Thomas (Round 6). Jacksonville TE with injury issues. Better pickups for your TE at this point. If he gets healthy and gets 7 TD’s and 600 yards, disregard.
Score: +70.49
Projected finish: Team Awersome! First Prace again! Playoff Team! Hoorrray! Projected record 9 - 4
Rook at my hair! It is marvrelus!
Now time to discuss another team. Hokkaido Sake Bomber from Japan. Japan sellout Capitalist PIGS! You swine! Owned by Mike Hinson. More swine and pig! Hinson like Tennessee Titans. But he no draft any Titans. What kind of fan is he? Poopy fan! Hokkaido sink into ocean soon because corrupt and decadent! Or tsunami! Or Korean missile! Draft look like:
Round 1: RB Marshawn Lynch +35.5
Round 2: WR Mike Evans -15.3
Round 3: QB Tony Romo -1.6
Round 4: WR Golden Tate +21.4
Round 5: WR Michael Floyd (+16.1)
Round 6: WR Brandon LaFell (+2.7)
Round 7: RB Ryan Mathews +1.5
Round 8: TE Kyle Rudolph -1.1
Round 9: RB Darren McFadden (-18.3)
Round 10: TE A. Seferian-Jenkins (+24.5) Now QB Josh McCown (-17.7)
Round 11: TE Colby Fleener (+21.5)
Round 12: RB Theo Riddick (-7.5)
Round 13: WR Andrew Hawkins (-7.9)
Round 14: K Chandler Catanzaro +1.3
Round 15: Def STEELERS -23.5
Hokkaido on high horse after so many year of good. Where you finnish last year buddy? Swine! Pig horse swine poop team! I no like. This LeFell person. He is a PUP? Why do Hinson man draft dog? More Poop for me to mock! Starting lineup score +18.2. Don’t get so uppity Hinson man! Bench is +3.02 with all receiver, but depth bad as no backup Defense or good Running Back number 2 or good Quarterback guy back up. Score -3! How you like dat? But now Micah pig boy again….
The strength of this team is in its receiver group and Tight Ends. And Marshawn Lynch. Evans, even though he is drawing a negative rating per average #1WR is still solid with Tate, who rates well for a #2 WR. There were 3 startable TE here but Seferian-Jenkins has been jettisoned in favor of a usable QB #2. If you have Lynch, you have a stud the can carry a weak RB #2. My use 3 wide outs with Michael Floyd providing good depth and (if healthy) LeFell.
The weakness for this team is the #2 RB slot. Yewww. Mathews has a chance to get some touches and be usable. But he, McFadden, and Riddick need an injury to be a valid option. Also Steelers Defense with no backup is shaky in a big way.
Micah Capitalistic Pig boy you are correct some and poop more. As Capitalist Pigs say, Romo is Homo! Team will be South Korea average! Poopfest and unglorious!
Best Pick: Golden Tate and Michael Floyd (Rounds 4 & 5). Tate makes for that solid #2 needed, Floyd, if he gets his separated fingers together, could really outplay his predicted numbers and fully step into Larry Fitzgerald’s role. Needed depth at WR since RB is a quagmire.
Worst Pick: Brandon LaFell (Round 6). Too much of a good thing. Nothing against LaFell (if he gets healthy) and I am sure a pick based on Evans situation which was more up in the air about extent of injury, but a RB here, even a crappy one that gets the majority of the carries, would have been huge.
Score: +16.71
Projected Finish: 3rd place Pacific Rim division on playoff Bubble Projected record 6 - 7
The Supreme Leader demonstrates the newest pistol model for Generals of North Korean People's Army Special Forces.
Now to Capitalist island New Zealand. Wellington with weird swine name! Owned by Tarl Tankersley. Such name! Should have good North Korean name like Lee Key-Burn, or Kang We-suk, or favorite nephew name Munk Hee-Boi! DO NOT LAUGH! I kill all you! Team of Stunts draft these men:
Round 1: RB Jamaal Charles +39.9
Round 2: RB Mark Ingram +31.7
Round 3: QB Matthew Stafford -14.2
Round 4: WR Davante Adams -52.5
Round 5: WR Nelson Agholor +4.0
Round 6: RB C.J. Spiller (-12.3)
Round 7: WR Charles Johnson (+4.2)
Round 8: TE Zach Ertz -21.1
Round 9: QB Blake Bortles (+16.2)
Round 10: RB Andre Williams (-14.5)
Round 11: WR Phillip Dorsett (-58.2)
Round 12: WR Kenny Stills (-33.4)
Round 13: TE Eric Ebron (-16.9)
Round 14: Def REDSKINS -18.5 Now Def Lions -13.5
Round 15: K Josh Scobee -2.1 Now K Matt Prater -4.1
Has made Prater and Lions D now in lineup. Now 3 lion starters and 4 on team
The Tarl make changes after draft like typical Capitalistic poop pig! Ooohhh, prooor Tarl. He no have enough Lions. So he go get more. Boo Hoo. He remove Redskins for Lions, actually not bad idea. He remove Scobee man for drunk inaccurate Prater man who Lion. Such a yuck fool poop! If Prater in North Korea, I have Dennis Rodman shoot him! And not with Basketball! Good Joke! LAUGH PIGS! Now Tarl have 3 Lions he start and 1 he bench. Points say from above starters may be poopy. -29.8 for starters. Bench not making this better. -2.2 for bench. Depth is also bad things horrible. -3 depth for Poopy Lion TE and no Defense besides Lions. They play Packers? What you do? Curl up in ball and poop on floor! That’s what! Now for poop boy Micah and his Capitalistic mouth usage:
The strengths of the Stunts is the Running Backs. One of the two best pairs in the league with Orinoco. While no real stud receiver, two decent ones and Charles Johnson is a solid 3rd WR with a large upside.
The weakness for this team besides the defensive issues, is why the points are so low here. Adams is a wonderful pick with huge upside given the Nelson situation. He is getting huge negative numbers as a #1 WR, but that could be undervalued. Stafford and Ertz are also valued low. If this team gets the Stafford of last year they are sunk. If they get the Stafford of two years ago then throw out all the rankings. Ertz also is in the “prove it” category, but the Eagles TE may have a breakout season. Lot of ifs. That is the biggest weakness here.
Best Pick: Charles Johnson (Round 7). May be best bench player Wellington has and little fall off on bye weeks at WR.
Worst Pick: All picks from rounds 11 through 14. We are talking late round picks, but you can cause yourself needless hassles by reaching too early. Nothing wrong with late stabs in the dark, but Dorsett and Stills were rounds 13 and 14 material. Why not take a much better Defense(s) or Tight End in rounds 11 and 12? Really, why not?
Score: -33.9
Projected Finish: 4th Place Pacific Rim division Misses playoffs projected record 5 – 8
Shroot him! Shroot him now!
So, it is crool I keep this. I keep this. Crool.
Final team. Kadena Typoon. Why two teams in Japan? Japan is Capitalist swine so much! Hate is word I use with them! They will be defeated! They smell stinky and eat too much fish! Poopy and peeish swine! Brill Gibson is draft owner man. He is pig and swine. He make me wish I can shoot him like last advisor who recommend Wolfgang Puck oven. I no use! He dead and I have oven that I not like. Here draft team:
Round 1: RB Adrian Peterson +13.7
Round 2: TE T.Y. Hilton -8.5
Round 3: WR Emmanuel Sanders +54.2
Round 4: RB Jonathan Stewart -4.9
Round 5: TE Martellus Bennett +10.3
Round 6: RB Tre Mason (+28.7)
Round 7: QB Sam Bradford -48.0
Round 8: QB Jameis Winston (+16.6)
Round 9: WR Doug Baldwin (+3.1)
Round 10: WR Dwayne Bowe (-0.5)
Round 11: Def CHIEFS +14.5
Round 12: QB Mark “Dirty” Sanchez (-203.0)
Round 13: TE Josh Hill (+3.3)
Round 14: Def PATRIOTS -31.5
Round 15: K Greg Zuerlein -13.8
I thank Brill since I get say one name. DIRTY SANCHEZ! We even know here in glorious Democratic People’s Republic of Korea know what this mean! Hee Hee Hee Ha ha HEE EHHE!!!! I laugh a good. But serious, team is balance. If QB is not sack of pig poop and pee, team is good thing. If sack of poop and pee, team is poop and pee. And so is Brill. You think Dirty Sanchez save you if QB Bradford break head or leg? He going to butt fumble you! HAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Capitalist swine make me laugh good. Team! It score +17.5. But good bench and depth mean +3.28 for bench and only -0.5 for depth with no RB number 4. Micah, you horrible smelly pig boy swine man! Speak as now!
The strengths of the Typhoons centers on balance. Peterson and Stewart, if they stay healthy, are a great tandem. Hilton and Sanders are just out of the big WR #1 category, but they are both top 10 WR’s. Together that is dynamite. Throw in TE Martellus Bennet and that is 5 solid starters. Also, great bench depth at all positions. Question. How do you draft Gurley, who is possibly not going to be ready this year, and not take Mason, who will be the starter if he is not? Stunning. Bill benefits from this. Hey, also good Defense!
The weakness for Kadena is at QB. If Bradford plays as well as he did in the preseason and stays healthy, watch out. If not, guhhh. And Kickers that start with “Z” can kick it far in a dome, but man. Rams offense just does not give up the opportunities.
Best Pick: Emmanuel Sanders (Round 3). Last impact receiver before a tier drop off. Value galore.
Worst Pick: You would think Sanchez, but taking him makes sense. I will go with Josh Hill (Round 13). Just don’t think Hill will do much. But if you are picking on a backup TE in round 13 as the worst pick, you had a good draft.
Score: +18.64
Projected Finish: 2nd Place Pacific Rim division Playoff team Projected record: 8 – 5
OK pigs, that it! I have said truth so now you believe or I hack your computer and send your money to Nigerian Prince! I eat cheese and rule supreme! You own pathetic Capitalist Fantasy franchise. Poopy pigs! You lose! I go!
Well. That was very special. A thanks to the despotic and psychotic Supreme leader, Kim Jong-Un and we look forward to our next review. Until then!
Micah
Sub Commish
Hahahahahaha! Oh Brill, you so frunny Brill!
