Owner Jon Ommen
SUDAN TSUNAMI - 3rd WORLD DIVISION
2005 - Present SUDAN TSUNAMI-Jon Ommen
2003 - 2004 MOGADISHU MEATSTOCKINGS-Will Wang
1998 - 2001 MONGOLIAN WILD ASSES-Dave Briska
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The Third World Division of the World League of Football has long been chaotic, with small time dictators and want to be warlords attracting WLOF owners with promises of riches and fans, only to prove to be unstable centers of economic loss. Enter Jon Ommen, known as the “great white devil by the Sudanese”. Ommen has brought a stability to the chaos of the Sudan. Strong arming local leaders and militia to his will, Jon has turned the Sudan Tsunami franchise into a World League of Football Superbowl winner! Gone are the years of unrest and terror at the great Ommen Stadium. Now, thousands of screaming Tsunami Heads chant and sing as they cheer on a Championship team.
Fresh off his first World League Of Football Superbowl win in 2014 (WLOF Superbowl XVII) Jon has expanded his pursuits out side of his software empire. A commander and chief online, Jon has moved his pursuits decidedly offline. His latest pursuit has combined his love of nature and simple rugged skill that has brought him to the "Top" of his new pastime. We are of course talking about Phallic Rock Climbing. Ommen has made a career of conquering, scaling, and mounting titillating, fecal maniacal, and phallic objects, such as Smokey Hog Head Mountain in China, Squaw Teat Mountain in Texas, Big Stoney in Utah, and Lake Titicaca (Jon just rowed acrross the lake, but we felt it pertinent to mention here). When asked by the press why he does not pursue a summit of Everest or the Matterhorn instead of penis shaped and boobed shaped rocks Jon, a respected member of the art community and a great admirer of nature, likes to respond, “I see dicks everywhere. Why not climb them?”
Smokey Hog Head Mountain
(located in Longhai, China)
Big Stoney
(located in Kodachrome Basin State Park in Utah - U.S.)
WLOF
SUPERBOWL
XVII
2014
The
Sudan Tsunami deafeats
The St. Mihiel Tough Ombres
Squaw Teat Mountain
(also known as Boob Mountain, located off I-10 near Bakersfield, Texas - U.S.)
THE SUDAN TSUNAMI
2008 Third World Division Champion
THE MONGOLIAN WILD ASSES
1999 World League of Football
Runner up
Loser of WLOF Superbowl II
SUDAN TSUNAMI
2015 World League of Football
WLOF Semi-Finalist
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Finger Rock Gendarme, Fann Mountains, TAJIKISTAN
A challenging site to get to in the western Pami-Alay mountain system of the Sughd province located between the Zarafshan Range to the North and teh Gissar Range to the South
"Penis Rock" Danxizshan Mountains, CHINA
A quick but challanging climb, Jon took 4 days to hike to the site, and 34 minutes to summit and return to the base.
THE SUDAN TSUNAMI
2017 Third World Division Champion
Finger Rock Gendarme, Fann Mountains, TAJIKISTAN
Jon Ommen after a successful ascent to the tip of Finger Rock. Jon takes in the spectacular view.
THE SUDAN TSUNAMI
2018 Third World Division Champion
THE SUDAN TSUNAMI
2013 WLOF Toilet Bowl Champion
"Penis Rock" Danxizshan Mountains, CHINA
Jon relaxes on the summit of Penis Rock. "It was a short climb to a brilliant view! I always get off on perching on the tip!"
Pico Cão Grande, West African island of São Tomé, of the coast of GABON
This massive monolithic rock rises 824 feet up vertically out of the rainforest. "It is a spectacular climb! What a rush!" says Jon
Pico Cão Grande ascent
Jon conducts a free scale without rope bringing his climbing buddy Tito on his back. The 2 hour plus ascent went without incident, but weather set in stranding the pair on the peak for 3 days do to monsoon conditions. Jon had not brought any supplies so he was forced to eat Tito. "Them's the breaks when it comes to phallic climbing" Ommen was quoted.
Iceburg in the Bransfield Strait near Antarctica
Jon hopped on a plane as soon as he had word of the sighting of this iceburg near Antartica. "I saw and I said, I have to climb that! It was a dangerous trek, as the seas were quite rough that time of year. The good news is we had a good weather day when the Greenpeace trawler got me in zodiac range and I was able to scale the summit. Glorious times!"
Mollie's Nipple, UTAH
This basalt-capped hill rises 1,300 feet above the surrounding plain in Utah's Hurricane Valley. Jon's annual pilgrimage to scale this hill is more of a hike, but, as Jon says, "It gives me a feeling of release to walk up and camp out on the top. I feel as if I have gone back to my childhood somehow."
The Dual Breast Mountains, Guizhou Province, CHINA
Locals come to the foot of the mountain during weddings believing it will bring them good fortune. Jon just comes for the climb.
The Way is Shut
Not all roads are clear on the mountain. Sometimes scaling a phallus requires a work around, such as here where a stubborn mountain goat blocks the intended path for Jon.
Coock Mountains, TURKEY
(Left) The huge phallic formations in Turkey’s ‘Love Valley’ resemble a towering homage to male fertility.The famous region of Cappadocia has seen an influx of tourists travelling by hot air balloon to check out the phallic-shaped pillars, which have been dubbed by some travellers the ‘cock rocks’. They have been naturally formed by erosion of the volcanic rock. This is one of Jon's favoite climbs. (Below) Jon at one of his favorite points of this climb, the bottom rib. "The 90 degree climb angle is a rush that you can only get climbing cocks!" an excited Jon Ommen is quoted.
Railay Beach, Thailand:
Ommen attempting a sheer rockside climb on manmade ruins to the two special caves filled with loads of cocks. No, not cockerals, just lots and lots of penises and dildos. Apparently it’s a special site for Thai people to come to give penis shaped offerings in return for fertility. (as seen Below)
Happiness is a Big Penis Sticking out of a Mountain:
This naturally occuring giant penis juts off of Brennisteinsalda Mountain in the Rhyolite Mountains in Landmannalaugar, overlooking the large lava field and Fjallabak nature reserve in the highlands of Iceland. Jon seems excited to get to the business end of his climb.
Big Stoney, not an easy Phallus to find:
Rough terrain needs to be circumnavigated before finding a friendly phallus. Jon using ropes in a joint climb to get to Big Stoney.
Robert Bösch Matterhorn Hörnli ridge photoshoot:
Ommen was one of hundreds of climbers who braved the cold for Robert Bösch who took a series of amazing photos (check out the full photoshoot on http://mymodernmet.com/robert-boesch-mammut-matternhorn/. It is truly amazing! Jon only participated in one photo, this one of 28 climbers on a phallic shaped outcropping. Said Jon, "I had to be part of phallic mountain art, especially since we would all look like small mites on a schlong!"
Matterhorn Ascent:
It's a long way up the Matterhorn to find a phallus. Jon is committed to his craft.
